Tag Archives: sex

You’ve Thought About Your Gardener And You Know It.

07 Wednesday Sep 2016

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It’s ok, I’ve done it too. And we’re not alone, as 77% of married women have admitted to flirting with their gardeners, so says IllicitEncounters.com.

A spokesman for the site explains:

“Women know what they want, and there’s evidently a common theme here. Your stereotypical image of a gardener is a hot, topless and well-built man, and the same could be said of firemen, fitness instructors and the other popular responses.

Times have changed, and with the married women on our site mainly stuck in sexless marriages, they don’t want to sit and wait for someone to court them – they’re dominant, and they’ll seek the initiative to turn their seduction fantasy into a reality.”

Spare a thought for postmen, however, who appear in the sexual fantasies of only 20% of women.

“The excitement of knowing that men actually found me attractive and alluring, was addictive.”

01 Monday Aug 2016

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Meet Chloe, 40-something, from England. I stumbled upon Chloe’s story in the Mirror. A middle-aged woman in a sexless, loveless marriage, she could so very easily be a Bored Wife herself.

While I’m never one to take solace out of other people’s misery, it’s heartening to know that you’re not alone.

And then, in the same article, there was Jenny, followed swiftly by Claire.

They elucidate on their sexless marriages and their conquest to find a man outside of their marriage. Whether it’s arthritis, menopause, depression or something totally different altogether, what stood out is the alarming amount of men who seemingly want to make love to their wives, yet can’t.

Whether that’s a willing refusal from the women in question, or their hand is forced, we’re losing our libido.

Detention.

28 Thursday Jul 2016

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I’ll never look at my kids’ teachers the same way again.

I had a few hot teachers growing up, but I never crossed *that* line. Little did I know however, the teachers were crossing it, only with each other.

New research claims that 27% of teachers have sex with a colleague, and in the classroom no less. That makes them the most adulterous profession of all the professions!

Speaking of those professions, commiserations to lawyers, journalists and pilots, who all fell short of the #1 spot.

The next parents’ evening is going to be an awkward experience, that’s for sure.

Today’s ‘Frisky Friday’, apparently.

22 Friday Jul 2016

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And there was me thinking this was just another Friday. Little did I know, there’s far more to it than that.

While it’s not Christmas, Easter or even Halloween, Frisky Friday isn’t to be scoffed at; as the name suggests, it’s a momentous occasion.

Namely, it’s the ‘peak day for affairs’ as adulterers cheat before they jet off on their summer holiday with the family, so says IllicitEncounters.com.

I’m willing and able  not sure what to make of it myself, but if you are one of the 70% having an affair today, godspeed, I guess?

For those of you who didn’t plan for Frisky Friday, fear not, as September, the third most adulterous month of the year, is right around the corner.

*braces self*

Have you ever faked an orgasm? You liar.

06 Wednesday Jul 2016

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Hands up if you’ve ever had rubbish sex?

*raises hand*

We’ve all been there. Well, 68% of us have. I’m surprised it’s not higher, but over two-thirds of women have admitted to having faked an orgasm at once stage or another (apparently, 28% of men have done the same).

Interestingly enough, a little over half of women think that there’s nothing wrong with faking it – nothing like a relationship built on trust and honesty, right?

A spokesman from IllicitEncounters.com, the site who commissioned the survey, said:

“It is very clear from these findings that there are a lot of women having rubbish sex with their husbands and long-term boyfriends and faking it to spare their feelings.
It is easier to do that than confront the deeper problems in a relationship.
Perhaps what is more surprising is how many men are faking it, too – largely for the same reasons as women. They put on an act because their marriage or long-term relationship is stale  and they are going through the motions when it comes to sex.”

Blondes have more fun, but brunettes are better in the sack

20 Monday Jun 2016

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A rivalry as old as time itself may have just been settled. Apparently, while it is indeed true that blondes have more fun, brunettes are better in-between the sheets. So, hooray, I guess.

According to IllicitEncounters.com, almost 6 out of 10 people agree that brunettes are better in bed, while, rather unsurprisingly, more men think about sex on a daily basis than women, so there’s that. And, the majority of us (91% in fact) find humour an irresistible quality.

So, if you’re a funny brunette, you’re seemingly at an advantage.

Spare a thought for the gingers.

Noise.

24 Tuesday May 2016

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Women are the main screamers. That’s what this very scientific research by IllicitEncounters.com, a UK dating website for married people, claims.

Of a poll of 1,000 people,  88% of women admitted that they were louder than their partners during love-making, while 64% of men polled also confirmed that their female lovers drowned them out when they were getting intimate.

Perhaps more importantly, however, most people like a bit of noise in the bedroom. Specifically, 71% of men and 62% of women.

It’s always a sign that you’re doing well, I guess.

 

Interestingly, married men and women who are unfaithful are quieter when making love to their spouse than they are with their lover.

Six out of ten women (62%) and 72% of men said they did make more noise in bed when they were cheating.

You learn something new every day.

A Dating Site Is Buying An Island for Adulterers…

04 Monday Apr 2016

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April Fo- oh, it’s real. An island, somewhere within 100 miles of Portsmouth, is up for sale, and IllicitEncounters.com (a dating website for married people) are in “advanced negotiations” to purchase it.

Their plan? To create a getaway for adulterers to spend some quality time together, one complete with accommodation, boardrooms to video call home to your partner, and hell, they’re even transporting you by helicopter.

Clever, or utter madness? We’ll have to wait to find out, as “Illicit Retreat” opens sometime next year. You can sign up to their mailing list here, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Four Films Ruined by “Netflix and Chill”

18 Thursday Feb 2016

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“Two messages from two chats” says WhatsApp. Your eyes ignore Holly’s post in GIRLSHOLIDAY2016 (*sun emoticon x3*) and glance instead at Dave’s message:

“Do you want to come over and watch a film?” he asks. How cute. How innocent.

You’re not much of a movie goer, but then again neither as he. And then it clicks.

I’m not sure at what point in our evolution sex took on the disguise of a crappy movie on a Saturday night, but apparently it’s happened, and in a big way.

This is an ode to the films ruined by the notorious “Netflix and Chill,” the films that never made it to the end credits, nay, beyond the second act. To those films, we salute you.

Orange Is the New Black

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While not strictly a film, OITNB ticks all the boxes. Let’s face it, there’s only so long you or your partner can watch steamy interactions between lesbians without edging closer towards the “chill” portion of the evening.

The Men Who Stare At Goats

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Clooney. Spacey. Bridges. McGregor. Goats. It’s seriously impressive that a film with such a star-studded cast (and goats) could be so bad. And that’s sort of the point here. A movie so dull will only leave its viewers desperate to do anything else but continue to watch it to its conclusion. You’re welcome.

Wolf of Wall Street

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It’s three hours of sex and drugs and…more sex, with all the beautiful people you could possibly ever want. And at three hours long, it won’t be long before you’ll suggest doing, er, something else.

Scream 

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…Bear with me. While it certainly lacks a feel-good factor, or any semblance of romance, Scream, or most good horror films in fact, are good for one thing: making the fearful one in the relationship leap into the arms of the other. The rest takes care of itself.