Tag Archives: relationships

The perfect woman according to men

14 Wednesday Dec 2016

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Incomplete female mannequin against brown background

I have always thought that men dream of the tall, slim blonde model type, with huge breasts and a perfect behind.

Well, according to IllicitEncouters.com, (a website for married people who want to have an affair!), men’s ideal lover is brunette, with light eyes, not too tall, slim or slightly curvy (as long as she is healthy), toned, good-looking but still “real”.

But apparently, the thing that men find the sexiest, is confidence. The perfect woman is also funny and goes to the gym and theatre.

Men on the website apparently also like to spoil their lover as they prefer someone who can be independent but will allow the men to be chivalrous and pay.

Well, my ideal man looks a bit like this:

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What’s your like?

You’ve Thought About Your Gardener And You Know It.

07 Wednesday Sep 2016

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It’s ok, I’ve done it too. And we’re not alone, as 77% of married women have admitted to flirting with their gardeners, so says IllicitEncounters.com.

A spokesman for the site explains:

“Women know what they want, and there’s evidently a common theme here. Your stereotypical image of a gardener is a hot, topless and well-built man, and the same could be said of firemen, fitness instructors and the other popular responses.

Times have changed, and with the married women on our site mainly stuck in sexless marriages, they don’t want to sit and wait for someone to court them – they’re dominant, and they’ll seek the initiative to turn their seduction fantasy into a reality.”

Spare a thought for postmen, however, who appear in the sexual fantasies of only 20% of women.

Here’s Why Golf Should Scare You Shitless

15 Monday Aug 2016

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I’ve learnt something today: there are tons of golf-related innuendos. Rough, bush, bunker, hole, shaft – it’s a writers dream.

I came across this effectively useless tidbit of knowledge upon reading that the act of playing golf has been named the most popular excuse that an adulterer tells his wife.

The totally scientific study says that 34% of adulterers use golf as their excuse as it allows them to sneak out of the house for several hours at a time, which makes sense, I suppose.

The second most popular excuse was “working late” followed by “going to the gym,” “going to the pub, and “shopping for groceries” (lol).

I blame Tiger Woods.

 

There’s Too Much Pressure On Young People

13 Saturday Aug 2016

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This isn’t the first time you’ll have seen someone make this statement. In fact, it’s far from an original thought, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

With a 24 hour news cycle and the ability to connect to anyone, anywhere, anytime, it’s easy to think that things are worse than they’ve ever been – in every aspect of life – but things are, generally speaking, pretty good.

We’re healthier than we’ve ever been, we’re living longer, we’re smarter – it goes on.

Life’s good, guys, trust me.

However, the downside of this non-stop connectivity is that we’re too focused on keeping up with the Jones’, and it’s even worse for young people.

In this instance, they’re marrying far too prematurely. Recent research has suggested that it’s down to celebrity culture and a seemingly fruitless endeavour to live the perfect life – to have the perfect marriage.

So, young people marry young, have kids, then realise that they can’t afford to divorce a couple of years down the line when it all starts to unravel.

It’s supposedly led to an increase in the amount of young people looking for affairs as a viable alternative to divorce, which is understandable.

The bigger problem? I can’t see it changing anytime soon.

And another one.

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

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António Horta-Osório. Nope, never heard of him either. But he’s a very important man. Why? Well, he’s the chief executive of Lloyds Bank, namely.

He’s also been making some dubious visits to Singapore, so claim The Sun. Following Vernon Kay, Ozzy Osborne and others, Horata-Osório joins the long, long list of high-profile adulterers this year alone, if The Sun’s claims are to be believed that is (they’ve never lied before, have they?).

It does raises a pertinent and salient question; are affairs simply a part of every day life?

Whether you’re young, old, rich, poor, attractive, ugly, male, female, there’s a very good chance that you know someone, even if not very well, who has cheated or been cheated on themselves.

It begs the question: is monogamy simply a social construct? Will affairs become acceptable in a few decades from now? Should we be surprised at the alarming (or not as the case may be) of failed marriages?

Answers on a postcard, please.

“The excitement of knowing that men actually found me attractive and alluring, was addictive.”

01 Monday Aug 2016

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Meet Chloe, 40-something, from England. I stumbled upon Chloe’s story in the Mirror. A middle-aged woman in a sexless, loveless marriage, she could so very easily be a Bored Wife herself.

While I’m never one to take solace out of other people’s misery, it’s heartening to know that you’re not alone.

And then, in the same article, there was Jenny, followed swiftly by Claire.

They elucidate on their sexless marriages and their conquest to find a man outside of their marriage. Whether it’s arthritis, menopause, depression or something totally different altogether, what stood out is the alarming amount of men who seemingly want to make love to their wives, yet can’t.

Whether that’s a willing refusal from the women in question, or their hand is forced, we’re losing our libido.

Detention.

28 Thursday Jul 2016

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I’ll never look at my kids’ teachers the same way again.

I had a few hot teachers growing up, but I never crossed *that* line. Little did I know however, the teachers were crossing it, only with each other.

New research claims that 27% of teachers have sex with a colleague, and in the classroom no less. That makes them the most adulterous profession of all the professions!

Speaking of those professions, commiserations to lawyers, journalists and pilots, who all fell short of the #1 spot.

The next parents’ evening is going to be an awkward experience, that’s for sure.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? You liar.

06 Wednesday Jul 2016

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Hands up if you’ve ever had rubbish sex?

*raises hand*

We’ve all been there. Well, 68% of us have. I’m surprised it’s not higher, but over two-thirds of women have admitted to having faked an orgasm at once stage or another (apparently, 28% of men have done the same).

Interestingly enough, a little over half of women think that there’s nothing wrong with faking it – nothing like a relationship built on trust and honesty, right?

A spokesman from IllicitEncounters.com, the site who commissioned the survey, said:

“It is very clear from these findings that there are a lot of women having rubbish sex with their husbands and long-term boyfriends and faking it to spare their feelings.
It is easier to do that than confront the deeper problems in a relationship.
Perhaps what is more surprising is how many men are faking it, too – largely for the same reasons as women. They put on an act because their marriage or long-term relationship is stale  and they are going through the motions when it comes to sex.”

Blondes have more fun, but brunettes are better in the sack

20 Monday Jun 2016

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A rivalry as old as time itself may have just been settled. Apparently, while it is indeed true that blondes have more fun, brunettes are better in-between the sheets. So, hooray, I guess.

According to IllicitEncounters.com, almost 6 out of 10 people agree that brunettes are better in bed, while, rather unsurprisingly, more men think about sex on a daily basis than women, so there’s that. And, the majority of us (91% in fact) find humour an irresistible quality.

So, if you’re a funny brunette, you’re seemingly at an advantage.

Spare a thought for the gingers.

Football’s Coming Home? I’m Certainly Not

13 Monday Jun 2016

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‘Tis the season, but not the jolly one. Rather, a footballing one – though that seems to be the case all year round.

And therein lies the problem. With the European Championships in full swing, it means more men stuck to sofas, drinking in pubs, and generally spending more time away from home.

According to the people at IllicitEncounters.com, it’s the straw that is seemingly breaking the back of many a camel, with more and more women flocking to the married dating website as a result of yet more football.

Can’t say I blame them.