We tend to think that while men cheat for sex, women do it for an emotional need. But as with time women become more independent, is this still the case?
This article by Psychology Today explains that not only women want romanticism, but that emotional connection is a major factor in female sexual arousal. Basically, we need to be both physically and emotionally turned on.
According to Illicitencounters.com, a website for married people who want to cheat, rather than an emotional connection, women want attention because the spark in their marriage has gone…
I have always thought that men dream of the tall, slim blonde model type, with huge breasts and a perfect behind.
Well, according to IllicitEncouters.com, (a website for married people who want to have an affair!), men’s ideal lover is brunette, with light eyes, not too tall, slim or slightly curvy (as long as she is healthy), toned, good-looking but still “real”.
But apparently, the thing that men find the sexiest, is confidence. The perfect woman is also funny and goes to the gym and theatre.
Men on the website apparently also like to spoil their lover as they prefer someone who can be independent but will allow the men to be chivalrous and pay.
This isn’t the first time you’ll have seen someone make this statement. In fact, it’s far from an original thought, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
With a 24 hour news cycle and the ability to connect to anyone, anywhere, anytime, it’s easy to think that things are worse than they’ve ever been – in every aspect of life – but things are, generally speaking, pretty good.
We’re healthier than we’ve ever been, we’re living longer, we’re smarter – it goes on.
Life’s good, guys, trust me.
However, the downside of this non-stop connectivity is that we’re too focused on keeping up with the Jones’, and it’s even worse for young people.
In this instance, they’re marrying far too prematurely. Recent research has suggested that it’s down to celebrity culture and a seemingly fruitless endeavour to live the perfect life – to have the perfect marriage.
So, young people marry young, have kids, then realise that they can’t afford to divorce a couple of years down the line when it all starts to unravel.
It’s supposedly led to an increase in the amount of young people looking for affairs as a viable alternative to divorce, which is understandable.
The bigger problem? I can’t see it changing anytime soon.
António Horta-Osório. Nope, never heard of him either. But he’s a very important man. Why? Well, he’s the chief executive of Lloyds Bank, namely.
He’s also been making some dubious visits to Singapore, so claim The Sun. Following Vernon Kay, Ozzy Osborne and others, Horata-Osório joins the long, long list of high-profile adulterers this year alone, if The Sun’s claims are to be believed that is (they’ve never lied before, have they?).
It does raises a pertinent and salient question; are affairs simply a part of every day life?
Whether you’re young, old, rich, poor, attractive, ugly, male, female, there’s a very good chance that you know someone, even if not very well, who has cheated or been cheated on themselves.
It begs the question: is monogamy simply a social construct? Will affairs become acceptable in a few decades from now? Should we be surprised at the alarming (or not as the case may be) of failed marriages?
Meet Chloe, 40-something, from England. I stumbled upon Chloe’s story in the Mirror. A middle-aged woman in a sexless, loveless marriage, she could so very easily be a Bored Wife herself.
While I’m never one to take solace out of other people’s misery, it’s heartening to know that you’re not alone.
And then, in the same article, there was Jenny, followed swiftly by Claire.
They elucidate on their sexless marriages and their conquest to find a man outside of their marriage. Whether it’s arthritis, menopause, depression or something totally different altogether, what stood out is the alarming amount of men who seemingly want to make love to their wives, yet can’t.
Whether that’s a willing refusal from the women in question, or their hand is forced, we’re losing our libido.
“My friend is in her marriage having the time of her life, and I’m just angrily elucidating my thoughts on an internet blog.”
At least that’s how I’m made to feel by the almost overwhelming combination of Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram… the list seems infinite.
But does it really even matter? Well, sort of.
I think that there’s a little bit of the ‘keeping up with the Jones’ syndrome in all of us, and that’s ok. It’s easy to take solace from someone else’s failure; it means you’re not alone; it justifies your misdemeanors, your missteps, your failure to achieve whatever it is that you set out to achieve when you were young(er).
Cowardly? Maybe. Comforting? Most certainly.
But it’s getting harder and harder, year on year. Expectations of relationships have changed in the last, say, 10 years or so.
Accessing the aforementioned social media channels floods me with images. Look at the happy people; they’re always smiling, always socialising, getting married, raising children – it takes a level of mental fortitude that’s beyond most of us to be able to avoid making comparisons and avoid being overcome by feelings of inadequacy.
We’re all stuck in a massive, bottomless echo chamber, where we’re told what happiness looks like. The result? We feel that our own marriage isn’t where it should be, so, naturally, we’re inclined to act upon that.
It takes the better part of, I don’t know, 5 minutes (?) to set up a profile on a dating site, and away you go. And given the aforementioned, y’know, ‘my life’s terrible while all my friends are thriving’ thing, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t given it any thought…
Dating the man you’re married to and dating someone else’s hubby are two very different things. You’ll often find that the latter is more likely to spoil you with love and attention; ironic, no?
In any case, I think that Debbie Brown is doing it right.
“I’ve had affairs with some absolutely gorgeous, very well-heeled men, who take me to the finest restaurants,” she says.
“Deep down, I know they probably wouldn’t want a relationship with me if they were single but I’m so much more exciting when I’m their mistress.
“They can tell me their wildest fantasies because they don’t have to go to parents’ night with me, or face me the next morning as the kids squabble over the breakfast table.”
You’re texting your significant other to let them know you’re having sex, but it’s with another person.
Meet Tony & Debbie, the couple who have been in an open relationship for over 15 years. They’re like any ordinary couple, except they don’t believe in monogamy.
In fact, they’re more than happy to meet and sleep with other people, so much so that they claim it’s improved their relationship.
‘It’s not that I don’t love Debbie,” Tony says “we have just found that it does improve our relationship – it makes you much more open with each other.”
What does it say for monogamy? Maybe that there’s a slow but steady shift away from what the general idea of a modern relationship is.
Meet Gweneth Lee, 45. She’s a mistress, but one who claims that she saves people’s marriages. Yeah, I’m not sure how I feel about this one either.
Her reasoning? She says, and I quote, “If her husband had not been allowed to cheat he would have left her and that would have caused huge upheaval to a family with children.”
“He stayed in the family home and would sleep with me with his wife’s full knowledge. We would be very discreet. I was a simple outlet for him to have his fun.”
Ms. Lee says that she “doesn’t feel morally compromised at all in what we have done. Everyone benefited from the arrangement – even the wife who had a much happier husband because of me.”
What do we think? Does she make a salient point, or is it a completely unjustifiable act?
The UK’s largest married dating site has released statistics that provide an insight into when infidelity occurs and if you are 8 years into your marriage, now is the time to worry!
IllicitEncounters.com surveyed 1,300 of its members and discovered 8 years to be the most popular time after marriage for people to embark on an extra-marital relationship.
Most adulterers have remained with their spouse since having an affair (87%), and the majority of their partners never found out about the affair (78%).
The top reason for having an affair given by both men and women was ‘Sexual Satisfaction’.
Studies show that 57% of men and 54% of women admit to having cheated on their partner* – with more than half of the UK population allegedly having had a fling with someone other than their partner, it seems Britons do not shy away from the idea of having an affair, and for many it is a gamble worth taking as much of the time their partner never finds out.
Stacey a female member using the site said “You know, we’ve done a lot together. We fell in love, we had children, and we bought a house, now it’s just living day to day – sameness. The routine has been driving me nuts for years but I’ve tried to hold it together.
Once you’ve ticked all the boxes, there’s not much left to do but be, well, settled – and I am too restless to be content in sitting around being settled. Yes, I had my first ever affair 8 years in. I admit I missed the lust, the excitement and the energy that someone new gives you – was it an itch? Yeah probably, and I’ve been denying myself the scratch for a long time.”
Claire Page spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com said “Why are couples cheating after 8 years? Well, 8 years is a heck of a long time to keep the fire burning, and the levels of sexual satisfaction will have well and truly deteriorated long before this.
If you’re in your 8th year, and haven’t had fantastic sex with your spouse in awhile – it could be they’re scratching an itch, or perhaps, you are.”
* Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy
