Today I am meeting a good friend for lunch.  Why is he a good friend? Well, that’s the focus of my thoughts today, and many other days in fact.

I met Steve on IE, he had a witty profile without a single cliché and that is always going to make me read further. He stated clearly on his profile that his wife has been ill with MS for some years and he just wants the opportunity to step out of a carers roll just now and then, when he doesn’t have to think about changing incontinence pads, feeding and most of all thinking about it all. My heart went out to Steve and I could only see good in becoming a friend with the intention of bouncing back his sense of humour and giving his ‘mind’ if not his body some time off.

At first Steve and I never discussed his home life; it was after all my intention to give him some time out so that when he went back home his emotions and mind had taken a mini break. So are you thinking about this because I have – long and hard and often… how would you feel having a secret relationship with a man with the sole intention of making his life better? I firmly believe I am being altruistic here but how would other people see it? I have considered this over and over and I still feel if it makes his life better that then reflects back to his family. Perhaps we all have our different reasons for choosing the lovers we do, for instance I would never have a lover who has small children and is looking out of pure selfishness (in my opinion). I think of myself when my children were small and my body was pulled both physically and emotionally from child to child to husband to parents and back again. ‘Too tired for sex again??!!’ night after night, weeks become months and so on… men feel neglected and frustrated.  Well guess what? Tough nuts guys! This is the time when your wife needs support and not demands and if you seek your kicks outside then it
would never be with me.

So then, back to Steve. He wanted to come here today, for a more intimate liaison of course, it goes without saying. My problem is that now I don’t really lust after him but I really do care for him very much. I will be his best friend and constantly pickhim up and dust him off each and every time he falls from his task as loving husband and carer. I guess I will actually sleep with him too… I really wonder what you are thinking. How bad am I? Would you do it? Have you done it? There are and have been many guys on IE and other sites who say they have very sick wives. In fact I know they are not always telling the truth – Steve is of course.

I have recently been exchanging emails with a very kind and gentle man who last night told me his wife has secondary cancer, and I do believe him. They are a loving couple and have discussed his frustrations and needs and come to the conclusion that he can seek sex as long as he is discrete and she doesn’t notice! I am so touched by this closeness and trust – not enough to volunteer may I add. I am not a fluffin charity and I am not here just to give sexual relief to someone. Steve needed more than that – the sex was a finale to the tenderness and intimacy he needed…. A result of the cuddling, the soft kissing and the gentle stoking… all these things are important to a human being whatever age. When it is the right man and woman then it possibly ends with sexual intercourse. (Gosh that sounded profound!). When, after exchanging the many early emails between Steve and I we agreed to meet, it was because I found him irresistibly witty and intelligent, NOT because his wife was sick. That was just the way it was…

So today, I will happily meet Steve, we will walk around the lake stopping for some long hugs and a kiss or two. He will start to relax and we will watch the swans and tease each other. He will tell me he wished he could see me more often and I will tell him how well his is doing working so hard to keep his family and being a carer to his young wife who seems almost a stranger to him now… both of use perfectly aware that one day he will be single and have children to bring up alone. Then he will need a new wife, it’s a long time in the future but with all my heart I hope he finds someone with a big heart and great sense of fun – he would never stray again I would bet my house on it.

by Charlotte