Football’s Coming Home? I’m Certainly Not

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‘Tis the season, but not the jolly one. Rather, a footballing one – though that seems to be the case all year round.

And therein lies the problem. With the European Championships in full swing, it means more men stuck to sofas, drinking in pubs, and generally spending more time away from home.

According to the people at IllicitEncounters.com, it’s the straw that is seemingly breaking the back of many a camel, with more and more women flocking to the married dating website as a result of yet more football.

Can’t say I blame them.

 

The National Adultery Awards 2016 (yes, this is an actual thing)

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Is this an award you’d want to win? In any case, many celebrities have. The National Adultery Awards, a.k.a. The Cheaties, were held in a super secret location in London just a few days ago.

The winners? Several. High profile names such as Scott Disick, Cristiano Ronaldo, Ben Affleck, Bill Clinton and many more were nominated and victorious, as the case may be.

Unfortunately, and perhaps rather predictably, none of the winners were able to collect their award in person, though it was stated that these have been posted out to them; that’s nice.

For the full breakdown of nominees and winners, just go here.

Noise.

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Women are the main screamers. That’s what this very scientific research by IllicitEncounters.com, a UK dating website for married people, claims.

Of a poll of 1,000 people,  88% of women admitted that they were louder than their partners during love-making, while 64% of men polled also confirmed that their female lovers drowned them out when they were getting intimate.

Perhaps more importantly, however, most people like a bit of noise in the bedroom. Specifically, 71% of men and 62% of women.

It’s always a sign that you’re doing well, I guess.

 

Interestingly, married men and women who are unfaithful are quieter when making love to their spouse than they are with their lover.

Six out of ten women (62%) and 72% of men said they did make more noise in bed when they were cheating.

You learn something new every day.

This Man Has Permission to Sleep Around.

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Saira Khan, a regular on ITV’s Loose Women, has revealed all. Namely, she’s allowing her husband to sleep with other women.

‘We used to have a fantastic sex life,” she said.

“I still love my husband, we cuddle up and it’s lovely. We’ve been together for 11 years, but I’m not interested [in sex]. I don’t want to.

“I’ve lost the desire and I find myself making excuses from around 6pm.

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about open relationships, and I get the feeling that it won’t be the last.

The landscape of the modern relationship is changing, and who knows, in ten or twenty years time, this could be closer to being the norm than you’d expect.

Stalkerish Tendencies

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Over half of us are pretty stalkery…stalker… stalkerish? Are these real words?

In any case, over half of us have stalked our first love on social media, according to the married-dating website, IllicitEncounters.com

Yes, 64% of us have gone to the effort of keeping tabs on our previous lover online, while 99% of us have fallen in love at least once by the time we’re 40.

“Anyone’s first love will have a profound effect on their lives,” said the site’s spokesperson.

“With so many of us on social media, it is far easier to secretly track how they are getting on and it is not surprising that most people have done this.”

Ozzy’s A Very Naughty Boy…

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Is this really that surprising? I mean, the guy decapitated a bat on stage… with his mouth. I’d say on the list of bad shit that he’s done, cheating on his wife is probably somewhere near the middle.

But, alas, he’s yet another celebrity in recent weeks, following Vernon Kay and [REDACTED], to be caught cheating.

Apparently, he forgot to delete his email correspondence with his mistress.

Rookie mistake, Ozzy. Rookie mistake.

 

This time, it looks like [REDACTED] is in some hot water…

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Have you heard? British actor, [REDACTED], had an affair with an escort. While we don’t know too much about [REDACTED] – the world’s media do, mind you – we do know that the escort who claims to have had sex with him said, and I quote, “he kissed like a virgin.”

I’m not exactly sure what kissing like a virgin looks or feels like, but I can’t imagine it’s a good thing.

That’s pretty damning, [REDACTED]. That’s pretty damning.

It’s Not You, It’s Me…

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How do you let someone down gently? Well, for many women, “I’m not ready for commitment yet,” seems to be our first choice.

That’s according to the UK’s leading dating website for married people, IllicitEncounters.com.

Men on the other hand preferred a slightly more blunt approach, with “it’s just not working,” “I’ve met somebody else” and “I’m not attracted to you anymore” the most popular choices.

Women are far more considerate when it comes to pulling the trigger it seems. I can’t say I’m all that surprised.

The most popular answers for ending a relationship:

Women

  1. I am not ready for commitment yet.
  2. This is going too fast for me.
  3. We’re not a good match.
  4. We want different things.
  5. I need to concentrate on my career.
  6. I don’t like your friends or family.
  7. It’s just not working.
  8. You are not mature enough.
  9. We have not got enough in common.
  10. I don’t trust you.

Men

  1. It’s just not working.
  2. I’ve met someone else.
  3. I’m not attracted to you anymore.
  4. We’ve lost that sexual spark.
  5. It’s not you, it’s me.
  6. I need to concentrate on my career.
  7. We want different things.
  8. I don’t want to see you anymore.
  9. I am not ready for commitment yet.
  10. We do not have enough in common.

Lemonade.

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So, Beyoncé just released a thing. Apologies – that’s doing it a disservice. Her latest album, Lemonade, was surprisingly released over the weekend. What’s surprising about a musician releasing music? Not a lot, but this one is an exception given that, y’know, nobody was aware of its existence until a few days ago.

While I’m not her no.1 fan by any means, the “visual album,” as it’s been dubbed, is certainly unique.

The hot topics range from female empowerment to her seemingly troubled relationship with superstar husband, Jay-Z, and it’s the latter that I’m most interested in.

There’s more than just subtle hints that the rapper cheated on her (and lord knows why) which, as I’ve mentioned before,  doesn’t make the life of an average joe like myself all that bad – nobody’s immune to a bit of pain and sadness.

But, as the album concludes, it might be worth powering through adversity too.

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